98 The Hard Way, Part 1: One Hit Wonders (August-December)

The lure of one hit wonders is a hard one to resist. They're a definite mark of their era, showcasing exactly what was popular for a short period of time, and more often than not the songs lumped in under that umbrella are diverse enough to make for an interesting journey. So what better place to start this massive project off than by revisiting 1998 at it's most flash in the pan and disposable? This is the final post dissecting the year's one hit wonders. Enjoy.

Harvey Danger “Flagpole Sitta” (#38, August 22^nd)

Despite the fact that it's actually one of the weaker songs on Harvey Danger's debut album, this song still just fucking rocks. It's kind of the antithesis of “Closing Time” in that it hooks you from the first listen and just keeps engaging you at the exact same level regardless of how often you hear it. I mean, just think about all the ways this has been used i n the time since it's release: it's the theme for Peep Show, the basis of one of the few lip dub videos hat actually works (something about a whole office united by a song about isolationism and paranoia is just so...precious) and still a moderately ubiquitous presence on rock radio. And yet it hasn't gotten old yet. Somewhere in the mania of Sean Nelson's vocals, the background 'ba-ba-ba's, the basic yet also perfect instrumentation and the overall aura of the song, things just hit together perfectly, and even if it's the kind of thing that the band improved upon quite often it's still nice to see it as their calling card. [9]

Jennifer Paige “Crush” (#3, September 5^th)

The key to this song's relative greatness lies in two separate yet equally important things. Firstly, the production is pretty far removed from what was becoming the norm on pop radio around this time. Here we've got a light, summery touch instead of a sledgehammer of studio trickery to get the same effect, and by god does it work wonders in its subtlty. Secondly, it's pretty much the midpoint between The Cardigans' “LoveFool” and Donna Lewis' “I Love You Always Forever,” retaining the childlike innocence of the latter with the maturity and control of the former. Given that it's obvious forebears are two of the better pop singles of the decade it's no surprise that all these years later I still find it so inviting. [7]

Tatyana Ali “Daydreamin'” (#6, September 12^th)

Anytime that two songs come out within a certain brief time period, both based around a sample from the same song, it's the natural human reaction to compare them to each other. The case of “Daydreamin'” and “Déjà Vu” makes it even easier given that the duo from the latter make a cameo appearance in theformer – for christ's sake Gunz even reprises “Déjà Vu”'s opening lines in his verse – on top of both songs riding that same “Black Cow” sample. So how does “Daydreamin'” measure up? Well, it's certainly better than a lot of similar flash-in-the-pan female R 'n' B singles from this era, not only due to the sample but because Ali's a much more engaging presence than, say, Sylk-E. Fyne, but it feels a bit slight in the shadow of “Déjà Vu.” Plus I'd argue that the Tariq and Gunz cameo is to the song's detriment – unnecessary and a bit lazy on their part – while the song around it is one of the better tunes I've come across in this series. If anything it shows the versatility of that damn “Black Cow” loop, given that it sounds just as good backing a light, poppy R 'n' B number as it does backing an anthemic, poppy rap number (plus it's original context, of course.) [8]

Pressha “Splackavellie” (#27, September 19^th)

Fuck so much of this...beyond the ridiculousness of the title and it's explanation within the song (why do you need to call a fuckbuddy anything but a fuckbuddy? Espeically if the alternative is, well, a splackavellie) there isn't even a hint of effort behind the whole enterprise here. The production is weak, the vocals are standard issue, and the lyrics include the word 'splackavellie' far more often than the word has ever been used in the real world (please tell me that's true, it would crush me if this actually became a thing for any period of time.) Really, fuck this. [3]

The Brian Setzer Orchestra “Jump Jive an' Wail” (#23, October 17^th)

It surprised me that out of the entire swing revival this was only bona fide one hit wonder. Sure it had that Gap commercial to ride the coattails of, but I swear that “Zoot Suit Riot” was a much bigger single at the time (though that could be my Canadian skew on things) while “Jump Jive an' Wail” was a sort of afterthought. Yet apparently “Zoot Suit Riot” peaked at #41, making in a sort of one hit wonder emeritas, while this got close to the top 20 a good two months after I swear it had vanished from the public consciousness. Maybe that Gap ad was the deciding factor in what became the bigger hit, but did the song itself have to be so lazy. Sure it's fun, upbeat and ideal for swing dance classes at the Y, but what is there to it beyond that? [5]

TQ “Westside” (#12, October 24^nd)

I suppose that this exists to restore the balance of east/west coast anthems in the aftermath of “Déjà Vu,” but this is rather rudimentary, isn't it? You've got your basic, string-laden R 'n' B ballad production, a cliched list of LA signifiers, the obligatory 2Pac shoutout...it's pretty much exactly what you'd expect to hear if I told you no more than 'This is a ballad about how much a personality-deprived male R 'n' B singer loves the west coast.' Essentially, when you can get the gist of a song from that vague of a description, someone isn't trying hard enough to make a high quality product. [4]

Everything “Hooch” (#34, November 7^th)

Speaking of songs that peaked well after I remembered them being moderately inescapable, how could this have survived beyond the summer? I'm not complaining that it stuck around this long, but if there was ever a song better suited to the summer months from this era I can't remember it at all. This, however, was catchy enough to survive in my memory, enough that I was actually looking forward to it's inclusion here. And damned if it didn't sound exactly like I remember it sounding: like August, around the campfire, buzzed off whatever booze we brought out but not so far gone that we were embarrassing ourselves, maybe mildly stoned if that was our thing at the time, enjoying the company and the outdoors. Any song that so perfectly evokes that scene can't not be in the upper reaches of my ratings here. Plus, that rootsy sax solo is like the icing on the cake. [8]

Ty Herndon “It Must Be Love” (#38, December 5^th)

I'm more tolerant of country music than most in my particular sphere, but I still have plenty of issues with the way modern C&W has gone in the post-Garth Brooks era. So I go into each country single with healthy reservations, a good deal of trepidation and plenty of ready made dismissive insults on hand. So I'm sitting here, getting ready to deflate this song and the chorus comes along...and goddamn am I won over. It's such a simple thing, the call and response structure and inversions of tropes that it brings up are both well worn country traditions, but there's something in Herndon's performance that makes them work so much better than they read on paper. It's so...giddy I guess, so caught up in the rush of infatuation that the song characterizes that it's charming as fuck. I am a sucker for charming if nothing else, so I guess the year of one-hit wonders goes out with a nice surprise. [8]

98 The Hard Way, Part 1: One Hit Wonders (June-August)

The lure of one hit wonders is a hard one to resist. They're a definite mark of their era, showcasing exactly what was popular for a short period of time, and more often than not the songs lumped in under that umbrella are diverse enough to make for an interesting journey. So what better place to start this massive project off than by revisiting 1998 at it's most flash in the pan and disposable? This is the third of four posts dissection the year's one hit wonders. Enjoy.

Playa “Cheers 2 U” (#38, June 6^th)

You know, I kinda want to just ignore this one. I mean, look at that peak of #38, it barely qualifies for this distinction. Sigh...I've dealt with forgettable before so I guess I can go to that well again. It would be so much easier if the song left any impression at all. I mean, I swear I just listened to it and all that comes to mind now is that they harmionized on the title for the chorus. That's it. [3]

Link “Whatcha Gone Do?” (#23, July 4^th)

I remember a bit more from this one at least, even if it's relegated to the cataloging of various sex acts in the chorus. Come on, harmonizing on the phrase 'would ya like it if I hit you with a 69?' stands out, that's just the way it is. Outside of that though it's not like the song's up to much though. Chalk it up to the ugly truth: talking about sex + decent production and vocals + more talking about sex = chart success. [5]

Imajin ft. Kieth Murray “Shorty (You Keep Playin' With My Mind)” (#25, July 11^th)

Ladies and gentlemen, your first urban boy band of the BSB era. Really, on the surface this should be one more in the long, boring line of male R 'n' B groups that I've been so dismissive of so far, but rather than being in the Boyz II Men mold of stoic, serenade-y balladeers Imajin are clearly in the boy band 2000 mold, right down to the token rap verse – albeit from ringer Keith Murray rather than a member of the group itself – and the light, playful tone. Why does that make it twice as good empirically as that Playa song I just dismissed? Because rather than being lifeless and unmemorable this contains actual energy and joie de vivre, plus a memorable hook. It doesn't make the song good per se, just makes it immensely preferable to another dour ballad without an ounce of hookiness. [6]

Nicole Wray ft. Mocha and Missy Elliott “Make It Hot” (#5, August 1^st)

This, however, casts an extremely fucking long shadow over every other urban pop single released in 1998. Supa Dupa Fly might have contained the initial warning shots from Tim Mosely, but for my money this is where he took the pop charts and made them his bitch. Maybe Aaliyah's next few single eclipsed this in terms of recognition, but all the ingredients that made those stand out are here too; the water-torture eastern synths, the odd syncopation that nevertheless creates a smooth flow, the understated injections from the man himself (the 'Yes you can' in the last chorus is perfect) and the overall feel is just as good as “Are You That Somebody” if not better. But it would be all for not if all this was used to back an utter dud of a singer, and Nicole Wray isn't a dud. She may not have Aaliyah's effortless sexiness, but she's certainly distinctive enough to stand out amidst the glut of female R 'n' B singers I've sat through already even without Tim doing his thing. Add in a couple of great, understated verses from the similarly unknown Mocha and everyone's favorite Missy Elliott and you might have the 90s' great lost R 'n' B cut. [10]

5ive “When the Lights Go Out” (#10, August 1^st)

Is it just me or is this song a bit, um...rapey? Just me? OK, well you can't argue that there' something a bit more obnoxious going on here than the usual. I mean, I get that other than *Nsync every boy band out there was trying their hardest to not look or sound like a Backstreet Boys clone, but the attempts at urbanizing (god that rapped interlude is painful) or coming across as harder (well as hard as five guys who bust out synchronized dance moves can appear) just fall flat. I have a small bit of respect for the fact that they're at least trying to separate themselves from the pack but it's all for naught, isn't it? [4]

Cleopatra “Cleopatra's Theme” (#26, August 1^st)

I expect that music for the kids is gonna be a bit obnoxious. I expect that modern girl groups are gonna be incredibly lacking in comparison to their forebears. I expect these things and yet when something like this comes along I can only stand there, slack jawed in amazement at just how awful things can get. It pains me to say this, but even fucking 5ive have more going for them than this dross. This is absolute bottom of the barrel kiddie pop that doesn't even have the common courtesy to have anything even moderately interesting going on. It's just weak and annoying on pretty much every single level, and the worst crime it commits is not even seeming to know how bad it is. (Full disclosure, my sister actually owned their CD around this time, so I heard this far, FAR more often than I'd have liked to. It's possible that residual bitterness is seeping in here.) [2]

Semisonic “Closing Time” (#11, August 8^th )

The few times that a band like Semisonic get into the realms of one-hit wonderdom it's moderately depressing. I mean, Semisonic are at their heart a very good band. Looking at their other singles, plus Dan Wilson's pedigree in the overlooked Trip Shakespeare, it's easy to see that this is a talented group, so having this albatross hung around their neck is unfortunate. It's even worse because the song's ubiquity continues to this day, so any shred of respect I have for it as a song – and I do think it's a good song, don't get me wrong – has been eroded by the decade plus of continuous exposure I've had to it. As good as it is, it's not the sort of song that's built for constant exposure. It doesn't get better the more you listen to it. It plateaus around the 10^th time you hear it, maybe when you realize that the lyrics are more ambiguous than you'd initially considered, and from there on out every subsequent listen pushes you to the point of enough already. Consider this rating for that 10^th listen, because honestly I never want to hear this one again. [7]

Big Punisher ft. Joe “Still Not a Player” (#26, August 15^th)

There's a certain line that a rapper has to cross to get a hit of any sort. Unfortunately, it boils down to making enough overtures towards radio-friendliness – tone down your lyrics, add in some recognizable samples, give the hook to an R 'n' B singer – that it's hard to recognize that the artist behind the hit is the same artist that has the capacity to blow minds when he's less adorned. So this was Pun's blatant pop move, and it paid off for him by shortchanging a lot of what made him so good. I mean, compare this to the album track that it's based around; the meat of the track is still there, toned down of course but visible, but the stuff that's obscuring it is overpowering. Pun still gets to show off his flow quite well though, he's not in “Twinz” mode or anything but the second verse is impressively dextrous, which is why I can't hate on it too much. [6]

Tomorrow: The end of the one hit wonder portion of our program, with paranoia, black cows, swing dancing and hooch.

98 The Hard Way, Part 1: One Hit Wonders (March-May)

The lure of one hit wonders is a hard one to resist. They're a definite mark of their era, showcasing exactly what was popular for a short period of time, and more often than not the songs lumped in under that umbrella are diverse enough to make for an interesting journey. So what better place to start this massive project off than by revisiting 1998 at it's most flash in the pan and disposable? This is the second of four posts dissection the year's one hit wonders. Enjoy.

Jimmy Ray “Are You Jimmy Ray?” (#13, March 14^th)

I think it says a lot about this song that my most vivid memory related to it is of my scout leader ineptly playing a guitar at camp and punctuating each bout of attempted chords with an equally tuneless shout of 'WHO WANTS TO KNOW? WHO WANTS TO KNOW?' It was a joke, but it so perfectly encapsulated the song he was emulating that I always hear it over the song proper. To be fair, it's not like the song was some bastion of seriousness in the first place. It was stupid shit back then, and if anything the years have been excessively unkind to it...and yet even though I can't say that any other song I'm gonna touch in this project is worse on a purely musical level, I don't think that there's a more fun song in the mix than this. Seriously, it's one of those Doop cases where I know that the song in question is awful but it's so aware of its own awfulness that it starts to read as charming. [1]

Loreena McKennitt “The Mummer's Dance” (#18, March 21^st)

I assumed that this song's ubiquity was a Canada-only thing, so colour me surprised that the states were equally under the thrall of this one. Not that I necessarily blame them, as far as Celtic crossover material you can't do much better than McKennitt, though compared to her earlier material this is quite a bit weaker. Hold this, or really anything on The Book of Secrets up against the holy grails of The Visit and Mask and the Mirror and it falls well short, but hold it up against what was actually popular at the time and it's hard to be that hard on it. [8]

Lord Tariq and Peter Gunz “Déjà Vu” (#9, March 28^th)

Who'd have thought that Steely Dan would be the basis for so much of the 90s' best pop music? Between this, the similarly awesome and similarly “Black Cow” indebted “Daydreamin'” (more on that later) and All Saints' “I Know Where It's At” – plus “The Man Don't Give a Fuck” if you go a bit wider in your definition of pop music – there's a 3 year corridor where the key to being better than your chosen genre was to sample possibly the least hip band in history. Fortunately none of the aforementioned hits do wrong by Fagen n Becker, least of all “Déjà Vu” which takes the, admittedly pretty damn funky, intro riff from “Black Cow,” blows it up to stadium-filling proportions and uses it to back one of the better populist “NY REPRESENT!” anthems of our time. Come on, if you were at all musically conscious in 1998 you're singin' the chorus right now, admit it. [9]

The Verve “Bitter Sweet Symphony” (#12, April 4^th)

To people of a certain age – namely my age – the opening strains of “Bitter Sweet Symphony” are inexorably tied to the final scene of that late 90s cinematic masterpiece Cruel Intentions, where...ah fuck it. I doubt that the song's success had much to do with that movie, if I remember right it was already fairly ubiquitous before the film was released, but in my head the first image that pops up when I hear that (stolen) orchestral swell isn't of Richard Ashcroft bumping into everyone as he walks down the street, it's of Reese Witherspoon at the height of her attractiveness. Does this affect my opinion of the song much? A bit, I can't deny that it's a good song any more than I can deny that The Verve has an album and a half full of better ones, but at it's core it's the sort of downtrodden anthem that it's easy to see the public latching on to. I don't love it as much as some, but it's definitely not in the lower tier here. [7]

Sylk-E. Fyne ft. Chill “Romeo and Juliet” (#6, April 18^th)

Easiest way to get a modicum of crossover success if you're a second-or-lower string female rapper? Thug love duet. People go crazy for that shit. Unfortunately it's hard to do much within that context unless you've got some sort of personality or a different angle to take it from. Ms. Fine may be moderately talented, and “Romeo and Juliet” may be moderately catchy, but she just doesn't have enough charisma to pull it off anything better than average. Chill fares no better as her male counterpart, especially given that he's relegated to a chorus-only guest thus losing the one aspect of the thug love duet that can salvage the least interesting ones of all – gender-based sparring. [4]

Marcy Playground “Sex and Candy” (#8, April 18^th)

My affection for this one goes a bit beyond the rational. I know that it's beyond rudimentary, borderline nonsensical and pretty much a rip off of Pavement at their laziest, but it's also catchy, which counts for a lot, and charming in it's own way. Plus as nonsensical as the lyrics might be they do kind of get the general feel of wandering around downtown after taking something maybe you shouldn't have and being way over your head. And I'm sure that if scientists found a way to bottle the essence of 1998 it would look like, in order, double cherry pie, disco superfly and disco lemonade. [8]

Canibus “Second Round K.O.” (#8, April 25^th)

I know this was only a hit because of the feud it continued between Canibus and LL Cool J, but I think the key here is that even if you remove that context it still comes off as a killer song. The beef aspect does add to it though, and it pulls the neat trick of being extremely vicious without resorting to over the top attacks. Think about it; most songs of this ilk are intensely personal, so the attacks can come off as genuinely mean spirited the more personal they get (2Pac's “Hit 'em Up” for example). Canibus sticks mostly to dissing LL as a rapper, not a person, and that works in the track's favour. Sure he does get personal at times, but keeping out of that well adds to the track's appeal for me. There's also that dark, subtle beat that adds a lot to the track without adding too much if that makes sense. [8]

Sparkle ft. R. Kelly “Be Careful” (#32, May 30^th)

While I do have a bit of a soft spot for the old he said-she said song structure, like the aforementioned thug love duet it needs to have a bit of personality injected into it. Sparkle doesn't really do that here, she doesn't register as anything other than the next in an infinite line of second string female R 'n' B singers with nice but not exactly distinctive voices. R. Kelly does his best to provide the track with a bit more zest – I like his little asides during his verses – but the damage is already done by then and even if you're nodding along to the admittedly opulent but also draggy beat you've checked out mentally by the time he shows up. [5]

Tomorrow: Lots of R 'n' B acts get the OHW distinction, but Timbaland shows them all how it's done. Also, the British invasion, teenybopper version.

98 The Hard Way, Part 1: One Hit Wonders (January - March)

The lure of one hit wonders is a hard one to resist. They're a definite mark of their era, showcasing exactly what was popular for a short period of time, and more often than not the songs lumped in under that umbrella are diverse enough to make for an interesting journey. So what better place to start this massive project off than by revisiting 1998 at it's most flash in the pan and disposable? This is the first of four posts dissection the year's one hit wonders. Enjoy.

Nu Flavor “Heaven” (#27, Jan. 31^st)

We're off to an auspicious start to this section of the project. I'd love to say that this is as bad as it gets, but I know that it isn't. However I sincerely doubt that it gets any more boring, any more insipid or any more likely to put me to sleep despite having recently had an energy drink. I don't even have a snarky way in to tear this one apart, it's just the most incredibly boring thing I've sat through in a while. All it amounts to is 4 minutes of my life that I'll never get back. [3]

Alana Davis “32 Flavors” (#37, Jan. 31^st)

I like to think that Alana Davis had no real ulterior motive to covering this. I like to think that she simply liked the song and parlayed that affection for it into a faithful yet not redundant cover version that snuck someone as fiercely independent and iconoclastic as Ani DiFranco into the top 40. I also like to think that it was half as a response to the Spice Girls' version of feminism, but that's neither here nor there. What it boils down to is that this is a damn good song, wither in DiFranco's folkier original version or Davis' mildly urbanized and studio polished version. It doesn't need to be any more than that. Still though, Ani DiFranco got a second hand top 40 hit. That sentence just looks weird. [7]

Uncle Sam “I Don't Ever Want to See You Again” (#6, Feb. 7^th)

Some artists are just destined to be one hit wonders. It could be for any number of reason, from gimmickry to the zeitgeist of the given time period to sheer luck in the case of niche artists, but there's a lot of room in this category for artists who put everything and then some into one song. It's almost as surefire a method of cementing your place in musical history as redefining the boundaries of a genre: expend untold amounts of energy and earnestness into one song, delivered as though it was the most important thing ever, and you're bound to get a hit. After that though you're fucked. Thus we have relics like this where absolutely every overly grandiose accoutrement is thrown into an already overwrought song about how much it sucks to find out that your girlfriend has been fucking your best friend and no other song by Uncle Sam registers even a token blip on the cultural radar. I'd say it's a shame but outside of the balls-out intensity there's nothing here that shows him to have a recognizable personality behind the pomp and pomp and pomp. At least he's invested in his material, but that seems to be his downfall too. [4]

Ol' Skool “Am I Dreaming” (#31, Feb. 14^th)

It's amazing that this was a one hit wonder. It's so incredibly faceless and bland that I'd have assumed these dudes would have been chart mainstays in the year that fucking Next had multiple hit singles. So in lieu of dissecting the myriad of ways that this song is the musical equivalent of store-bought white bread – OK, just briefly: when singing a song about the love of your life and how unbelievable it is that you find yourself in this position it's best to invest a little thing called passion into your delivery – let's look at the hilariously overwrought video.

OK so, girl and boy have decent relationship, but girl has a dark secret...she's a stripper.

(I'll wait for you all to clutch your pearls and retrieve your monocles)

As per the dictates of cliched storytelling, boy and his friends happen to go to the same strip club that girl works at if only to make boy's discovery that girl takes he clothes off for money sting that much more. Where this shit gets really off is that

a) The song is about the special love that Disney princesses wish for. Not exactly the best vehicle for a short film about the dangers of being both in a relationship and stripping.

b) Boy seems to be having a great time with his cronies watching other girls at the club. Now I understand that it's not uncommon for men to enjoy this sort of recreation as a side dish to their relationship, that's not where my disbelief can no longer be suspended. The fact that boy's friends are as distraught as he is though? Let's just say that if I were one of the boys there he'd be getting a lot of shit from me (I'm a horrible person).

c) Girl apologizes. Thank you, “Am I Dreaming” video, for showing me that the girl who was stripping as a job – not hooking, which the story seems to think it's tantamount to given how much fretting there is over her occupation – is in the wrong in this situation. I realize that looking to a music video for a decent discourse on this sort of thing is laughable, but so is the conclusion here. There's no discussion about it, she says 'I'm sorry' and everything is hunky-fucking-dory again. That's just bad story telling. It's also the only thing worth talking about here, which says a lot about just how little of a song we're dealing with. [2]

Billie Myers “Kiss the Rain” (#15, Feb. 21^st)

Occasionally I misremember songs from my youth. It's usually something minor, a slightly different tempo, or maybe I mentally excise sections that don't have that much bearing on the song in question, but occasionally my conception of song varies greatly from the song that I hear when I revisit for things like this. How does this pertain to “Kiss the Rain,” you ask? Well all these years I remembered it as a moderately flippant kiss off, not the standard 'I miss you too, schmoopy' song that I was faced with coming back to it 13 years later. Really I think it's just that the song's most memorable section – the build up into the final chorus – was the part that came to mind when I saw this title, and there Myers sounds legitimately frustrated if you hear it in isolation. So naturally I imagined that sort of energy imbuing the whole song...but what I got was some half decent secretary pop that only works up any sort of purposeful momentum in that one section. Shame really, because a whole track with that kind of drive plus Myers' smoky vocals would have won me over anew. This just kinda sits there listlessly for 75% of its running time, almost daring you to have a strong opinion of it. [6]

Queen Pen “All My Love” (#28, Feb. 21^st)

Here's where I lament the idea that a scene-stealer in guest form needs to follow that distinction up with a full-fledged solo career. Lil' Penny was the best part of Blackstreet's “No Diggity,” and that's not exactly a small compliment given my ridiculous amount of affection for that song, but instead of leaving it be at that of course she had to go the route of the traditional female R 'n' B singer. Seriously, I've heard “All My Love” a few times in the past week, probably heard it at least twice that often when it was actually popular, and I still think it's a fucking Faith Evans song. It's bereft of personality – though not to the insulting degree - and honestly sullies the reputation of one of my favorite guest verses of all time. Nicki Minaj, take note. [5]

Ben Folds Five “Brick” (#19, Feb. 28^th)

This one I have issues with. I'm not going to claim that it's a bad song by any stretch, but it seems to be two separate songs that are very good on their own but when put together the way that they are here does the finished product no favors. One one side you've got a lovely, melancholy set of verses about a young couple dealing with an abortion and its fallout. On the other you've got an equally great chorus that keeps the mood going and gives the song the sort of melodic hook that probably got it the distinction of being Folds' biggest success. Then you look at it on a lyrical level. I make no secret of my hatred of Folds at his most smug. I think that “One Angry Dwarf” is insufferable enough that my copy of Whatever and Ever Amen starts at “Fair” and only contains 11 tracks. In that light when you go from what is actually a very nuanced and intimate look at how one event can fundamentally alter a budding relationship to the intimation that the girl is dragging the boy down it creates the sort of tonal whiplash that few songs can recover from. This one only manages because, well, it got a song about the most controversial of topics into the top twenty without sermonizing for or against it. That's not exactly common. And like I said, neither of the two parts are bad in and of themselves, it's just their interaction that does this one in. [7]

K. P. & Envyi “Swing My Way” (#6, March 14^th)

It's nice to finally have a song that I just unabashedly like to talk about here. This is proto-Nina Sky shit here, effortlessly sexy in a way that puts so many like minded acts to shame and just plain catchy. I think what really works for me here is that it tricks me into thinking it's a standard R 'n' B jam with those opening vocal runs, then the beat drops in and it goes in a totally different, much more energetic direction. Then every time the chorus comes back the beat downshifts a bit, not enough to alter the momentum but enough to keep things interesting. It really is just a great song...which makes the remix – which if I'm not mistaken was the more popular version – that much more disappointing. I'll link 'em both here so you can see for yourself, but the remix falls into every trap that the original avoids, basically taking what was an energetic, danceable club cut about the thrill of the hunt and remaking it as a basic R 'n' B track about finally getting the guy they wanted. It's a shame when this sort of thing happens, but it doesn't change how great the song was before they fucked with it. [9] for the original, [6] for the remix.

Tomorrow: The power of Steely Dan, Celtic Moods, Cruel Intentions and R. Kelly. But really, WHO WANTS TO KNOW? WHO WANTS TO KNOW?

1998 The Hard Way

Or: How a simple desire to create a well-researched set of best of lists consumed two years of my life.

Almost 14 months ago. That's when this started, January of 2010.

Well, if you want to get technical it really started about 6 years ago. That would be the first time I attempted to make a “Top 100 Albums of the 1990s” list based on a what I knew at that point in time. This whim was followed by the whim to start delving deeper into the decade, start ferreting out those elusive hidden gems that I was sorely lacking in. That sounds simple enough doesn't it? Look at what you like, seek out things in that same mold, repeat. The problem is that once it started it kept going. It stopped being a simple delving and developed into something much more all consuming. My initial top 30 of 1990 list was based on a sample size of a bout 250 albums. It took me about 6 months to listen through those, determine my favorites and hash out an order. Same deal for the subsequent years. Hall, back then my additions to each years listening queue were so sporadic that I took a few weeks after each one was complete to listen through the older stuff I'd been recommended since then and adjust the list accordingly. All this while keeping up with current music. All that while going to school full time.

If the me of 6 years ago could see the mountain I am so close to reaching the peak of with my 1998 list I am certain that he would be either incredibly impressed or afraid of how fucking crazy I've become.

1150 albums. That's how long my list of 1998 albums is as of today.

1150 albums from one year.

The thing is that when you're a music junkie, the searching never stops. You find new lists that have new suggestions, new forum threads pointing you towards new, overlooked albums, new users whose collections and tastes intersect with yours. You find 5 new albums you want to listen to for every one you do. Case in point: when I started going through my albums from 1998 a full year ago my long list was only just shy of 1000. In the intervening year, even as I was trying so hard to work through the mess I set up for myself, I was adding to that same mess. I have stopped that now, 1150 is a nice round number that I do not wish to disrupt. Why didn't I say 'enough is enough' at 1000, or even 1100? Because I kept seeing something new that looked like it was worth investigating. I'm sure I will keep seeing new things, but they will have to wait for now. I have them filed away.

1150 albums.

Of course I haven't found all of them, so the actual number is 1140 or something. Albums from some list that's long been deleted that contained more than enough worth investigating, albums that may not actually exist outside of someone's fevered imagination. This is also symptomatic of my process: they're reminders that no matter how much I have access to, there's more that's just out of reach.

1140 albums.

And I have heard them all. Some once, some multiple times. Some I have had for years and listened to frequently, some I have just discovered and had blow my mind enough that regardless of the backlog behind them I had to listen again.

1140 albums, and I don't necessarily regret it. It's not like I'm a hermit, gone mad spending day upon day doing nothing but listen to music, much of which was so inconsequential that I'd never think twice about hearing it again. Hell, within the last year there were periods that I didn't listen to anything at all. I still went to work, still went out with friends, still enjoyed silence. Hell, I even relocated during the course of this project, and if you think you can evaluate anything while moving you're as sadly deluded as I was in claiming that there'd be a top 50 of 1998 by the end of 2010.

1140 albums and that was only phase one.

Phase two begins now. The trudging through all the slop is over, this is the phase where I get to focus solely on the good. This is the fun part for me, because at the end of it all I will have a document marking the releases that made this whole ordeal worth it. The ones that stand out even amongst the elite class they find themselves in at this point. The ones that make 1998 worth the endless hours of examination I gave it.

And then I get to relax before I tackle the next year...one where I have a long-list of 1289 albums (currently).

I clearly have a problem.

(Rough) Schedule

Because Mom always taught you to have a plan, and life always reminded you that hard deadlines are just promises waiting to be broken.

• One Hit Wonders (because a year can best be defined through its flash in the pan success stories); one week

• EPs (because getting the little ones done will give me a sense of accomplishment); one month

• The Year in Country Singles (because yee-fucking-haw); one week

• The Year in Rock Singles (because nostalgia is a powerful thing); one week

• Borderline 4 star albums (because even if they won't make the final list they offer enough to merit a revisit); two months

• The Year in Canadiana (because LOCAL PRIDE/PATRIOTISM!); one week

• The Billboard Hot 100 of 1998 (because nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound); one week

• 4 star albums (because there are many faces of good shit to examine); 3 months

• The 1998 Festive Fifty (Because John Peel would have been my hero if I were British); one week

• 4.5 star albums (because being close to classic is nothing to be ashamed about); 3 weeks

• The RYM Top 100 Singles of 1998 (Because I trust you guys...don't let me down); 2 weeks

• 5 star albums (because we take time to build up to the things we love); 2 weeks